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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?